I Love You Means Goodbye
by NekoVengers
Summary: Please. How could he say no? He could never say no to Ivan, from cutting the cake to, having a drink, or getting a cat when he had three dogs, to saying goodbye with an I love you. Grasping the other's hand, Ludwig kissed his cold-sweat forehead. Angsty RUSGER...yay.


It was warm, it was so warm, and that's all he could register. Numbers had been dialed, people talked to, and now there was only a five minute wait. Good, because the warmth was supposed to mean something bad, even if he didn't know how bad it really was. Oh right, blood was warm, wasn't it?

Ivan moaned in pain. Reality (such a bothersome thing) started in the base of his throat, -which had long since been out of use, (choked up with mucus)- and spread down his spine, curling at the base of it. A sense of dread. The feeling finally made it to his brain, which unclogged his throat to whisper,

"Shhh-sh-sh-shhh Ih-Ivan, you'll, you'll be f-fine. Just hold on...a little l-longer. I called, for help..." It became nonsensical ramblings as he clutched the other closer closer, still holding his tattered shirt to the wound to stop the bleeding.

Amethyst eyes glittered with tears turned to him, _I love you,_ they said. Except he wouldn't let Ivan say that until they were laughing together in the hospital form a close call. Ivan wasn't aloud to say he loved him, because that could also mean goodbye.

"No. NO! No no no no. Stay! Stay with me, you're fine. Tell me you're fine. It's been three minutes, just-just two more minutes come on!" Ludwig whispered frantically. He didn't cry, that wasn't, just _wasn't_ a Ludwig thing. Ivan was smiling, good, smiling was...It was another goodbye, wasn't it?

"It's...okay...Lud...I love-l-love y-you." Blue eyes filled with mirth. Something like disgust plastered it's self on Ludwig's face, but it was laced with dread, and loathing of death. He managed a dry chuckle as the tears made tracks down his face, they followed the sharp line of his jaw and settled on Ivan's -bloody oh god so_ red- _chest.

He heaved a sob.

"You ah-always, fuckin' comfort me. E-even if the sta-stuff happens to yo-you." He wouldn't acknowledge it, he wouldn't say _Ich leibe dich_, because that _still_ meant goodbye. A sad smile fitted across Ivan's face -for fuck's sake what the hell is a 'sad smile' anyway?!- he lifted a heavy arm to Ludwig's face.

"Please...just tell me...you love me." A last request. He was making last requests...nein. He was breathing and living and still so fucking _warm_. Except that was just the blood dripping down the german's thighs wasn't it?

"Ivan, bitte, don't leave me, you're fine, you're really-really fine. You are you-"

_Please. _How could he say no? He could never say no to Ivan, from cutting the cake to, having a drink, or getting a _cat_ when he had three _dogs, _to saying goodbye with an _I love you._ Grasping the other's hand, Ludwig kissed his cold-sweat forehead.

"I love you Ivan...I-I-I" He wanted to say, just how much he loved him. How strong embraces shoved his worries down the drain. The shit-eating, irritating smiles that managed to find humor in just about everything. How his lovers constant touching, no matter how devoted _or_ inappropriate, made it feel like Ludwig was enough. He felt so loved around Ivan. Like he was the only one the Russian would ever want. Because he was so damn _loved_.

Having fallen apart so many times, he thought he'd be used to this, but Ivan had put all his broken pieces back together like a thousand-part puzzle. A puzzle that the Russian glued into a frame so it would never break apart, and hung on his wall to never lose it.

Ivan couldn't go. Fate was grabbing Ludwig's puzzle with it's mighty hands and cracking the work of art over it's righteous knee, so without Ivan...Who would fix it? No one. This was the last time he'd feel whole, because if Ivan left, Ludwig's everything would go with him.

Now, how was he supposed to say all that without stuttering?

"Oh-oh god!" He choked, grabbing Ivan to look into his eyes. "D-don't you understand, I'll-I'll _die_ w-without you. Please. You can't just...go!" Ivan's hand was still warm on his face, oh so warm.

"It's not...w-worth it...Ludwig. There are things...you can do...without me. W-we all leave darling, but I'll always be," A Hand was placed on the back of his neck, and it pulled him closer. bringing their lips together, Ivan whispered against them, while placing a hand over his heart. "Here. I'll be...here...see?"

_No, you'll be six feet under and miles from me. _He thought darkly, but refused to let it show on his face. Smiling one last time, Ivan loosed the grip on Ludwig's hand, and closed his eyes.

The sound of sirens could be heard in the distance.

* * *

**A/N: I'm trying to get into a new writing style...it's not working.**


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